ups and downs

January 26, 2011

Dear Chris,

It is such a relief to hear from you! Letters are flowing to me from all directions. I love it! You are brilliant, enclosing letters to me with those you mail to friends, saving yourself a stamp and me some transcription. Clever, my friend.

I am deeply moved reading your letters and listening to your experience of the prison and the men to whom you are ministering. I can literally hear your voice, and I am amazed at the quality of openness and love you are bringing to the experience and to these men. I am crushed at their heartache and so grateful you are there for them. What a Godsend you are, literally. And your writing! It is so rich and prayerful, bringing your heartfelt experience alive for me. I cannot keep up in transcribing them all promptly but please continue to write as much as you can. You are truly inspired right now, and it is coming across in all of your writings. I know that some day they will be read by many.

It is simply amazing what is happening with the blog. Your letters, the questions and concerns of the people on the list, writing and editing the blog posts. It’s so exciting and rewarding and it is growing. I feel God’s Spirit with us, Chris, responding to our generous hearts all the more generously. He is revealing a path to us as we watch what you go through on your journey. Your writings are moving and as they go up on the blog along with my commentary, they create an opening for God’s Spirit to work. And more, I am now creating a relationship with your parents. We talk about once a week and email one another. They are such good, kind, and passionate people. They love you so very much.

As for me, I have a lot of ups and downs. Some days I am elated to be working on the Novena, and others are a struggle. Today is a day I feel like crying. Things are not falling into place with the committee nor with the speakers. I am trying to bring something new to it but perhaps it won’t be received, or maybe it is the way I have been bringing the ideas forward. I am dedicating a great deal of prayer and time to the marketing but it is quite possible that my work will be for naught. It’s edgy, perhaps too edgy. It’s okay if it doesn’t work out because I have done my very best. Not for me, not even for St. Ignatius, but for God. I have done what I feel He has been asking me to do. Perhaps I have been wrong from the beginning.

I will be changing my focus this month from marketing to the development of my three reflections. Please pray for me – for my peace, for my ability to discern what God wants for me to share with His people. But also pray that I can actually enjoy this experience of preparing and of the speaking itself.

Okay, so I have some practical questions for you around the blog and things:

• Are you okay with me referring to the situation with your meds? I am sharing in a general way, exploring the process through which you are going so people can understand what it’s like for you and others. I think this is important but I want to respect your privacy too.

• Do you think its okay to post the names of your dorm mates? Shall I change them or are you?

• I sent you a prayer card with my last letter. The one with the Ignatius icon and the Suscipe prayer. Did you receive it? Shall I send more?

• You also 3 books on the way and should have received them by the time you get this letter. Richard Beebe sent you Parting the Waters: America in the King Years 1954-63, and Sajeev Painunkal sent JFK and the Unspeakable and The School of the Americas. Please let me or Jake know if you did not.

Please forgive me Chris. I am so tired lately and I want to write you far more often than I do. And I want to write you brilliant pieces but alas they are turning into only updates. But please know my heart is with you. Please keep writing all you can. I will keep everything for you once you are out.

I saved a voicemail you left me around Christmas. Sometimes I listen to it to hear your voice. For a moment, you are in the room with me. I think of you often and pray for you daily. You are a special gift to us all.

Christ’s peace with you always, my friend,

anne